The Perils of Paperwork
by everyoneslamb
Summary: It was not her fault. That was Darcy's story and she was sticking to it. Seriously.The filing cabinet was out to get her. So was the copier..."Why are you looking at me like that?"
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story takes place after the movie (obviously) and mainly holds to canon, except that Coulson is not dead! He's not! I refuse to believe that, the man is a ninja! Anyway, enjoy and review, it will make me happy... :}

1) Rage Against the Machine

_You vicious bastard!_

I kicked the heavy piece of duct-taped equipment, then promptly dropped into a kneeling position, swearing as pain coursed through my converse-clad foot. Apparently, the movers had forgotten to take one _extremely_ cumbersome yet also _extremely essential_ monstrosity with them when they moved Jane's things into the giant and shiny "Avengers Tower." Long story short, I, the unpaid intern, had to lug, _not only_ all of Jane's luggage up to her room, but now I was responsible for taking the Enormous-Metal-Impossible-to-Carry-POS-of-Doom all the way to SHIELD headquarters!

Normally, I didn't like to whine, it took up time and grated on people's nerves. Nobody cared anyway. Still, I couldn't help but feel a little bitter. Ever since Mr. I-Am-a-Blonde-Hunky-God (but not really because he's actually an alien) suddenly showed up in New Mexico to sweep his "Lady Love" off her sleep-deprived feet, the couple had been attached at the hip. Which wouldn't normally be a problem, except that Tall, Blonde, and Godly came with an entourage of scary guys (ipod stealers) in MIB suits who explained that Jane was being relocated to "a more secure location" where she would be able to continue working on her research with some of the most brilliant minds in the world. Or something like that, I, by that point, had tuned out, too busy trying to keep my replacement ipod out of sight. Jane had detached her mouth from where it was glued to Thor's long enough to agree before she was whisked away, leaving ME to pack up everything, including her clothes!

"Stupid, worthless, piece of junk!" I hissed as I rubbed my aching toes right as the doors to the super shiny and efficient SHIELD elevator dinged open.

"Eh, I've been called worse."

My head snapped up to where Tony Stark stood framed in the doorway, dark head cocked slightly to the side as he took in the sight of me wearing enough knitwear to supply a small country, crouched on the metal floor, glaring balefully at a large object that was as much metal as it was duct tape, and rubbing my foot. He smirked.

"Do I need to separate you two?"

"He started it," I muttered, scrambling to my feet. Stark's smirk turned into a grin.

"They always do. What're you doing in here anyway?" The billionaire asked as he smoothing stepped into the lift, taking a place on the other side of The Bastard, as I had decided to name it.

"Escorting the Duct-taped Wonder to Jane's new lab, but he's refusing to come quietly."

"Did you consider citizen's arrest?"

"Eh, talking to it is one thing. If someone walked in on me handcuffed to it, people might think I'm kinky."

Stark laughed. "I like you, you can stay. Jane's lab, huh? You Foster's girl?"

"Coffee Minion, Maker of Kickass Playlists, and Bringer of Poptarts," I announced imperiously.

"...You're an intern, huh?"

"Yup."

Stark laughed again as the doors dinged open and stepped out onto the floor. "Come on Minion, Foster's lab is this way."

I bent and lifted the heavy piece of junk into my arms and staggered after the billionaire who had kindly returned to press the button to hold the doors open.

"You know," I huffed. "A gentleman...would have...offered to...carry this for...me..."

Stark snorted. "Well, if we see one, I'm sure he'll ask, now keep up!"

After what felt like several hours (why are there so many corridors!), I finally staggered into a bright and shiny new lab.

"Yo! Foster! Where do you want the Duct Tape Terror?"

"Mmmrrmmph?" Jane mumbled, still bent over a stack of papers that were practically covered in...math.

"Ugly Duct- Tape thing," Stark repeated. "Where d'you want it? Better answer quick before it flattens your Coffee Minion."

"Oh!" the physicist snapped out of it. "Just put that anywhere! What took you so long Darcy?"

I didn't so much drop the machine as collapse with it to the floor. Panting, bent over on my knees, I looked up at my rapidly approaching boss through the curtain of my dark hair. "Sorry. New York traffic man, I'm telling you..."

"Traffic! I thought you'd be flying!"

"My arms got tired."

"Darcy! Well, at least you're finally here!"

"My trip was fine, thanks," I said drily, used to Jane's demanding, slightly ungrateful behavior. "You need coffee, or a pop-tart, or something?"

"Mmm?" Jane was now tutting over the machine like a mother hen. "No, I'm fine."

"When's the last time you ate?" I raised an eyebrow, already sure of the answer.

"Umm...that's not important."

"Uh-huh. I'll be back in a few." I turned to Tony. "Thanks for showing me how to get here. Say, d'you know if SHIELD keeps pop-tarts anywhere?"

"What?"

"Pop-tarts. Candy-coated toaster pastry? Do you know if anybody has 'em? They make Jane happy...and I don't honestly think I can get her to eat anything else," the last was said in a stage whisper.

"Umm...no, I don't think so. Unless Fury's been holding out on us."

"Ok. Looks like I'm going out to buy some then. See you when I get back. Try not to work too hard. It'll be awkward to resuscitate you."

I didn't see, but I'd bet that Jane rolled her eyes.

I hadn't even made it across the lobby before catastrophe swooped down upon me in the shape of The Ipod Stealer (insert appropriate theme song here)

"Miss Lewis," Mr. I-Never-Wear-Anything-Other-Than-a-Suit-and-Yes-That-Includes-to-Sleep began.

"I would like to see you in my office at eight a.m. tomorrow morning." (cue ominous music!)

"I didn't do it!" I summoned my best look of wide-eyed innocence and turned it full force on Coulson. _Honestly, I have no idea where all that jello came from... _

He almost smirked. "I'm sure. Tomorrow morning."

"Fine," I huffed, pressing the button for the elevator.

"I wouldn't advise being tardy. Director Fury isn't known for his patience."

"Well, with a name like that..." I muttered. "Hey, you don't by any chance know if there are any pop tarts here, are there?"

Coulson blinked, processing my question I guessed. "...I believe that there are some in the break room. Thor is known to become...peckish."

I snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. Thanks, I wanna make sure Jane at least eats something before I turn in tonight."

"I see. The break room is on the fifth floor," he stepped into the elevator that had just opened, holding out a hand when I tried to follow him.

"What gives!"

"I'm afraid that you don't currently have access to the floors I am traveling to at the present time. The stairs are right next to me though, to be used at your discretion. Good evening Miss Lewis!"

The doors slid shut leaving me staring at my distorted reflection. _Jerk! _

I pushed open the door of the stairs and gaped in horror at the seemingly unending flights of stairs ahead of me.

"Alright," I told myself. "We tased a god and helped defeat a Destroyer...we can climb some stairs no problem!"

Twenty minutes Later...

_Can't breathe...lungs going to collapse! _

I leaned heavily against the railing of the fifth floor landing, gasping for air. My closest layer to sweater felt like it was sticking to my skin and my chest was on fire. I wasn't meant for this level of strenuous exercise, dammit!

Finally, once my panting was under control, I pushed open the door and set off down the hall.

"Break room...break room...break...Aha!"

I quickly walked in and opened the nearest cabinet. Cups.

The next one. Fruity teas and some kind of powdered algae mix.

The next one. Bingo! Sugary goodness!

I quickly pulled a blue box of poptarts down onto the counter and withdrew a shiny packet before putting the rest of them back on the shelf. I stared down at the confections sitting innocently on the counter. To toast, or not to toast...that was the question!

_Eh, I'm tired, and don't feel like looking for plates anyway, Jane shall have to content herself with the shiny wrapper._

I left the break room and looked around for an elevator, but didn't see one. Not wanting to run the risk of getting lost, I stayed on the same hallway, but eventually gave up and returned to the stairs. To Jane's Lab!

Well, it took me thirty minutes to find Jane's lab, another ten to drag her attention from science, and nearly twenty to force her to eat both pop tarts and down some coffee.

"Jane, make sure you go to bed sometime, okay?"

"Hmm,"

"I mean it! I don't want to have to knock you out again!"

"Hmmm..."

"Jane," I whispered conspiratorially. "I'll bet that if you go to bed, the science will still be here in the morning..."

"Hmm."

"Dammit Foster!" I gave up, slumping into one of the uncomfortable lab chairs. I was tired, but I couldn't leave Jane here by herself. She could set herself or someone else on fire...again.

I plugged in my earphones and set it to "All Nighter" Playlist.

Same story, different town. Good to know some things never changed.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I just want to let you know that I am BLOWN AWAY by all of the action this story has already received. I have never had a story catch on so quickly! Ever! I want to say THANK YOU to all of my wonderful reviewers and all of the people who decided to follow and/or favorite my story. I hope I don't disappoint! :)

Thank you! Just had to gush for a second there...Now...On with the story!

Disclaimer: Not mine...boo... :(

2) Hell Hath no Fury

I was just barely on time to my 8:00 meeting. As in, I-Skidded-Into-Coulson's-Office-As-My-Watch-Beeped-On-Time, but on time.

"Good morning Miss Lewis, I trust you slept well."

I shrugged. I was a college student working for an sciency insomniac...fill in the blanks.

"Lewis!" I jumped about a foot.

There was a man standing in the doorway, practically taking it up. He was huge, not only in stature, but it presence. Dude was scary.

I scrambled to my feet, forced upright by some long forgotten well-mannered instinct, or possibly self-preservation; I didn't feel either one often enough to tell them apart.

_Oh cool! Scary Dude has eyepatch!_

"-offer you a job!"

_Dammit Darcy, this is why you have to pay attention! Also...why does he always sound so angry?_ _Wait...this must be Fury...Of all the rotten jokes._

"Well?" Director I-Have-An-Eyepatch-Hear-Me-Roar demanded.

I blinked at him, doing what I'm sure was a marvelous impression of a tree full of owls. "Er...well, what?"

"Do you want the job?"

"Job? I thought I was here to make sure that Jane didn't collapse from exhaustion and/or set herself on fire."

"You are! But Coulson needs a new assistant!"

"I don't think I can do that...I'm not an agent or anything. I mean, I have a taser, but unless the bad guys are great conductors..." I trailed off as both men looked at me strangely. Well, I think that may just be Fury's face, and Coulson always looks like that...nevermind.

"Miss Lewis," Coulson started slowly with patience of someone constantly surrounded by the unreasonable (He must work with Tony Stark) "I don't need you for any field work. I need someone to organize things, file papers, take phone calls, et cetera...Similar to what you did for Dr. Foster. Are you going to take the job?"

"Sure," I shrugged. Didn't really think I had a choice. "I'm still going to check on Jane though!" I made sure to cross my arms and adopt my best serious face.

Coulson nodded. "Of course, can't have our new physicist bursting into flames."

"Alright then. When do I start?"

"Immediately. The reception room is just here."

"Reception room?!" I sputtered. "I thought this was a storage closet!"

"Yes, well, I haven't had a secretary in quite some time...Let me know if there is anything confusing."

He disappeared back into his office, fleeing my wrath.

I took off my glasses and scrubbed a hand over my eyes; it hurt to look at the mess. Coulson was obviously a closet hoarder.

I pushed up the sleeves of my dark green pullover and used a rubber band to corral my hair into a messy bun at the back of my head. Let's do this!

**Who Knows How Much Time Later...**

Paperwork was of the devil; I was convinced. Paperwork was of the devil, and Lucifer himself wrote these reports with his horns! With his eyes closed!

I grumbled to myself, holding the paper ever closer to my face. I couldn't tell whether this was a memo or a suicide note...could also be a grocery list.

"Argh!" I dropped the papers onto the desk, glowering at the handful of hateful sheets that slid onto the floor. Bastards.

I looked at my watch, it was eleven-thirty. I walked over and poked my head into Coulson's office.

"Hey Boss! Do you need coffee or anything?"

"No thank you, Miss Lewis." He didn't even look up from his papers. Either he was ignoring me because I was a lowly intern, or refusing to meet my eyes out of shame. I preferred the later; shame was good for my ego.

"Ok, let me rephrase: Can I go get you some coffee, or tea, or lunch, or something that requires me to leave this room and stretch my legs, because I am about this far-" I held my finger a millimeter apart "-from losing what remain of my marbles!"

"In that case Miss Lewis," Coulson put one set of papers down to pick up another. "Why don't you go and visit Dr. Foster?"

"Oh yeah! Time for Jane's first sugar rush...I just hope she's still coherent..."

"Poptart..."

"Jesus Christ!"

It was a monster. The bags under The-Creature-That-Had-Once-Been-Jane's eyes had bags, her hair was limply covering her face, and her skin was blanched from malnutrition and insomnia.

"Poptart..." it hissed again.

"Bed, " I countered. "Shower. Food."

"Poptart..." it whined.

Reluctantly, I reached out and grabbed her arm. I towed her from the lab down to the lobby. I marched out of SHIELD headquarters and waved like I'd seen people do in the movies for a taxi. A bright yellow one pulled up after a few moments and I pushed Jane inside, sliding in after her. After some cajoling, I managed to entice Jane to murmur her current address. The ride wasn't that long, but it was apparently long enough for the cab driver to feel he was entitled to skin me alive. Fifty dollars for fifteen minutes!

_Well, there goes my grocery money_, I sniffed, feeling robbed. I glowered at the driver as I handed the money over, as if I could shame him into giving me a break. He just bared a snaggle-toothed grin at me while snatching the bills I reluctantly proffered with a greasy hand. I hauled Jane inside, muttering darkly to myself, as I used her key card to open the elevator _I refuse to take the stairs again, dammit!_

"Whoa!" It was huge. The ceiling was vaulted and the rooms were wide open. A large, L-shaped sofa sat in front of a flat screen wider than I was tall!

"Nice digs, Foster," I commented still towing her to her room. She mumbled something about poptarts _And people say __**I **__have a one-track mind..._

I pulled Jane into her room; it was massive, so I assumed that she shared it with His Majesty of Blonde Mightiness when he was planet-side. I decided to just put Jane to bed and let her sleep before I trusted her alone under running water; I'm not sure how I would explain a water-logged physicist, but I was willing to bet that it would be significantly more difficult than explaining a one that was burnt around the edges. I took off her shoes and rolled her under the covers, making sure that she could still breath; I didn't want to have to think of an excuse for suffocation either.

I didn't want her to just go back to eating poptarts, so I decided to see what the Wonder House offered in terms of groceries.

I wandered back into the first room, the one with the epic television, and saw a breakfast bar along one wall. I crossed over quickly, my converses squeaking obnoxiously on the ridiculously shiny hardwood.

_Yes!_ On the other side of the breakfast bar was a kitchen that would make any celebrity chef drool...

It was all stainless steel appliances and marble counter tops. I wandered around like a kid in a candy door, floating over to the enormous refrigerator. I was significantly less graceful as I struggled to heave it open, but eventually the door gave in and I peered into the cold, brightly lit, device.

"Huh," I mumbled, tongue pressed against the inside of my cheek. On the top shelf there was a carafe of orange juice, at least two gallons of milk, and a bottle of golden apple juice. I could see tomatoes, carrots, lettuce, and a large cucumber in the crisper. I could see a wedge of farmer's cheese and several parcels wrapped in butcher's paper in the meat drawer. In the doors I could see all the basic condiments: mustard, ketchup, mayo, jelly (guava?), and a pat of creamy butter on a ceramic dish.

I heaved the doors closed, and looked around the counter. There was a large dome like object against the wall next to the knife block (ohh KutCo!) I slide open the lid. A bread box. _Hmm..._

I took a loaf of what appeared to be homemade sourdough and set it on the glass cutting board. Looks like it was going to be a grilled cheese and tomato slices. Simple, but not too hard on her stomach, and it would at least put some nutrients into her severely deprived system.

I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach the medium sized skillet hanging over the stove (oh, the joys of being five-foot-nothing!) but eventually I was able to set it on the burner and I cranked up the heat. I removed the cheese and butter from the refrigerator. I dropped a little of the butter into the heating pan to grease it, sandwiches always seemed to stick for some reason...bastards...

I half-cut, half-tore, two pieces of bread from the loaf and added a medium slice of the cheese. I placed the sandwich onto the pan _hssss!_ where it sat sizzling, I placed a copper kettle on top to flatten the sandwich, because that's how I roll...it's how Gina always made it.

While the sandwich crisped and melted and flattened, I replaced the bread back into its box, and put the cheese and butter back into the refrigerator, taking out the tomato. I quickly cut three hearty slices from the vegetable...er...fruit...whatever...the red juices running across the cutting board. I was crossing the kitchen in search of a plate when I smelled the sandwich. I quickly turned off the heat and lifted the sandwich gingerly with a spatula and quickly set it behind the tomato on the cutting board away from the streams of juice.

"Okay, and now...a plate." I crossed back over to the cabinets and opened the first one. Cups (Again!). The next one; enough bowls to feed a small country. The last one...Aha!

Ugh...are you kidding me?

Oh, there were plates all right, but they were all on the top shelf.

I sighed and scrambled up onto the counter. Raising up on my knees, I stretched my arms over my head, reaching for the plates. Reaching...reaching...yeah, this wasn't going anywhere.

I brought my hands back down to brace them on the second shelf, and started to lift my left leg, preparing to stand up-

"Um...do you need some help?"

"Ack!"

I jumped as the voice suddenly came from nowhere; my foot slipped off of the counter and I slid backwards. My eyes clenched shut and I braced from my impact with the hardwood floor -which no longer seemed as spiffy since my face was going to smash into it-

A/N: Mwah-ha-ha...I'm evil...Review, or Darcy shall spin forever more into oblivion...Not really, hope you enjoyed though!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, I'm just borrowing them for my own crackpot purposes.

A/N: Bonjour! I have to admit that I have never had story take off so fast...it's wonderful. I am so glad that my writing is something that people enjoy. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favorited me or my story(...favorited that is, don't review me please! I'm not ready!) Anyway, I am nearly overwhelmed by all of the feedback, the comments really make my day! I've also been added to a community! How cool is that! Now...enough of my emotional nonsense...

Previously on "The Perils of Paperwork"...

"_Um...do you need some help?"_

"_Ack!"_

_I jumped as the voice suddenly came from nowhere; my foot slipped off of the counter and I slid backwards. My eyes clenched shut and I braced from my impact with the hardwood floor -which no longer seemed as spiffy since my face was going to smash into it-_

But it never came.

What felt like two iron bars caught me under the arms, locking around my waist. I opened my eyes one at a time, taking in my current state of non-pancakedness, with a mix of relief and confusion. _I'm levitating? Awesomeness!_

With skills perfected as a squirmy toddler, I began to wiggle. I looked down and saw two golden forearms (nice ones) locked just under my ribcage. The grip didn't even falter as I wriggled like "a wiggle worm in hot ashes" _I love Grandma Lewis!_

"Oh!" The grip loosened immediately, hands that were big enough to span my not-so-tiny (size 8) waist, set me gently on on my feet. I turned around immediately to face my rescuer/ endanger-er.

_If you could personify apple-pie..._

It would looked like the guy standing in front of me. He towered over my whopping five-foot-zip frame, and had golden blonde hair that was combed neatly...kinda retro looking. His skin was a light tan, more golden than anything else (See where I'm getting the apple-pie analogy?) and stretched over some of the nicest muscles that I'd ever seen. I'm convinced I could grate cheese on his stomach, (not that I would...that would be weird...really weird...even for me...) and the illegally tight tee shirt underneath the leather jacket he wore did little more than emphasize his build. He wore khaki slacks instead of jeans though, interestingly enough, and his tennis shoes looked clean and were tied tightly. _Perfect bows...I never could manage those..._ I looked back up, (and up and up) until I was looking into Apple-pie's face. He had really dark blue eyes, and..._is he blushing?_

"Sorry about that," he repeated. Nice voice (deep, but not scary like Director I-Am-Secretly-A-Pirate-Arghhh!) "I didn't mean to startle you-I just saw you up on the counter and-"

He paused and looked at me. "Um, are you all right?"

I flipped one hand in a negligent manner. "Psshh! I'm fine. Happens all the time.'"

He raised an eyebrow. "Falling off of counters?"

_Excellent Darcy, now you sound like a lunatic that climbs on furniture...which I do, but that's beside the point!_

"Err...yes, I mean no, well, yes, but-!" I sighed. "...I was trying to reach a plate, but this house is prejudiced to the vertically challenged such as myself," I sniffed finally.

Apple-pie looked like he was about to laugh. "Here, let me get one for you!"

Reaching up from his great height, Apple-pie grabbed a plate effortlessly and offered it to me. He seemed really eager to help, it was sweet. Like apple-pie. Man! I must be hungry or something if I'm making food analogies. _Either that, or I'm starting to tap into some latent cannibalistic tendencies I didn't know I had..._.

"Thank you," I took it with all of the dignity of someone who had nearly killed themselves falling off of a counter and turned to walk back over to the cutting board where Jane's luckily still hot sandwich sat resting next to her tomato slices. I quickly sliced Jane's sandwich in half, diagonal 'cuz that's the best (Again, how Gina always did it) and put both halves along with the tomatoes onto her plate.

"Um...Hey," I turned back to face Apple-pie who had opened the refrigerator and was trying not to look lost. "Would you like a sandwich or something?"

"Sorry?" He pulled his head back. So polite!

"Er, I need to run this up to Jane really quick, but I could make you lunch if you want?"

"I would hate to impose-" He started.

"If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have offered. Consider it a 'Thanks' for keeping me from flattening my face."

"...Sure, that sounds swell," He had the small smile at the corner of his mouth. _Swell? Who says that? Cute, though._

"Awesome sauce," I grinned and started back toward Jane's room with the plate. "I'll be right back."

I half-ran, half-walked to Jane's room and opened the door without knocking because knocking is for losers (I just didn't feel like it). Jane was still tucked under the covers asleep. I set her lunch on the side of the bed and poked her cheek. She twitched, but didn't move.

_Come ON Foster!_

"Jane...I made you lunch..." I tempted.

"Mrrrmmph..." the physicist grumbled.

I sighed, then fell on her. Hey, it worked to wake up my roommate.

"Oof!" Jane shot up.

"Oh good," I cooed, scrambling off of her. "You're up. Now eat this sandwich, then you can go back to sleep."

Jane looked at my blearily, trying to focus. "Huh?"

"Sandwich," I repeated sternly. "Eat all of it. The tomato too. Then you can sleep some more, ok?"

"Oh, but Darcy!" she whined. "I was in the middle of calibrating this-"

"Science can wait!" I snapped. "You have to take care of yourself. Start with the sandwich and a nap, followed by a shower, you can go back when you're not crazy!"

"I'm sure I wasn't _that_ bad," Jane muttered, but picked up one half of the sandwich when I glared at her.

"Jane," I sighed. "You were hissing at me and scaring people."

Jane said nothing, but took another bite of her sandwich. Pouting.

I watched her for another minute, then turned back for the door. "I'll be back in a few minutes for the plate, ok?"

"Where are you going?"

"Uh, just back to the kitchen," I said casually. "I, uh, have to clean up the sandwich mess." It wasn't _technically_ lying, I would be cleaning up sandwich mess; I just had to make Apple-pie his sandwich first.

"Oh, ok. Make sure you clean it all up, don't want people to think we're slobs."

I looked at the various shirts, jeans, and papers littering the physicist's floor. "Nope, can't have that."

I closed the door behind me and left Jane to her sandwich. I almost raced back to the kitchen where Apple-pie was sitting at the counter with what looked like a car magazine. Boys.

He must've heard me or something because he looked up when I walked into the room. Then he stood up, like I'd just caught him doing something naughty..._Bad Darcy!_

"Aha!" I announced like an over-eager neighborhood watch member who just caught a litterbug in the act. "I saw you reading that magazine!"

I walked across the kitchen and stood behind the counter. I threw one of the dish rags over my shoulder like a TV chef and braced myself on the counter and grinned, though he may not have seen it because the breakfast bar was almost as tall as me.

"So...do you have a favorite kind of sandwich, or can I try to guess?"

"Uh, whatever's easiest for you, ma'am, I'm not picky." There went that adorable blush again. _Seriously, how does this guy not have little old ladies trying to pinch his cheeks all the time? _

"Good to know..." I nodded then went back over to the refrigerator.

**10 Minutes Later...**

I set what Gina always called a "Superbird" sandwich in front of Apple-pie with a flourish. "Voila!"

"Thanks, this looks great!" He grinned at me and took a bite while I poured him some milk, it was the only thing I could reach, without fear of spilling, on the top shelf. Luckily, there was a clean glass drying on a rack next to the sink, so there was no repeat of "The Counter Incident."

He didn't speak with his mouth full, but swallowed first, then smiled, surprisingly shyly. He had perfect teeth. _Of course he does, he's Apple-pie...An apple-pie with teeth...Now that is good ol' fashioned nightmare fuel..._

Within minutes the sandwich and the milk were gone. He practically inhaled it. I smiled at him and was stacking his dishes in the sink when my cell phone buzzed.

"Eeek!" I jumped, splashing soapy water onto my over sweater.

"What's that matter?!" I looked over at Apple-pie who had snagged a dishrag after I had shooed him away from the sink. _I made the mess; I'd clean it up. _

"Oh nothing, I'm just vibrating," I murmured absently, digging my phone out of my cardigan. _The vibrate option really is perverted._

I didn't recognize the number...so...

"City Morgue, you kill 'em we chill 'em," I announced. I could see Apple-pie give me an incredulous look from the corner of my eye. I gave him an innocent look _'What? I'm not weird.'_

"Miss Lewis." Son of Coul. _How did he manage to...wait...do I really want to know?_

"Yep!"

"Would you care to explain why a fifteen minute break to check-in on Dr. Foster has turned into a ninety-minute absence?" I wasn't really sure how someone could have a disapproving monotone, but this guy was totally pulling it off...he must practice.

"Jane was scaring people," I announced. "I'm still trying to explain that filter feeding is for sponges and not physicists."

"Ah, I see. Well, once Dr. Foster is comfortable, please return to the office."

"Will do. Seeya boss man!"

I clicked the phone shut and began to scrub the dishes quickly, rinsing them off and then handing them to Apple-pie who seemed to be enjoying the work. I wondered if he would start whistling. _Maybe we should go first? Nah, it'll just look like I'm spitting at him...which is a little strange, and rude._ I mean, who just spits at people, I'm not a water fountain...ew...spit fountain...

I finished the dishes in record time and began to walk towards the door. I turned around before I reached the elevator. "I'll see you around, okay?"

He blushed again. "All right."

The doors slid open and I hopped inside, pressing the button for the lobby.

"Wait!"

"Huh?"

"Thank you again for the sandwich, Miss...?"

"Oh! Sorry, I'm-"

The doors slid shut and I started into what felt like a free fall. _Damn you, express elevator!_

I leaned against the wall and grinned to myself.

_Apple-pie cutie...awesome!_

A/N: Please press the small button at the bottom of the page (review) for more Darcy/Steve interaction...( they were right, it _is_ an addiction...)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Whoo! I have never been on such a role! It must be all the feedback...(smiles shyly) Seriously though, thank you so much for all of your support; it is invaluable. Okay, so...how's Steve/Darcy interaction going? Too much, not enough? Darcy is oblivious you know...this is going to take a while...

Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me...I'm just playing with it anyway... :)

4- Eight Legged Freak

I hate filing.

Wait...that was an understatement. Eh-hem.

I hate filing with the passion of a thousand burning suns! I shall rain down the intensity of my hatred up the head of the Son of Coul with a force to rival Mew-Mew!

There, much more intimidating.

I grow at the stack of folders covering what was supposed to be my desk, but looked more like a failed paper mache project, in hopes that the manila cretins would scamper away to their appropriate drawers and save me the trouble of cramming them in there, but alas, they remained stationary. _Bastards._

I glance over at the walls, looking for a clock, so I could see if enough time had passed for me to finagle my way into another break. Okay, I see a window, an abstract looking painting that looked more like a puréed clown than a sunset, a spider, and aha! Don't think you can hide from me clock!

I slid my glasses higher onto the bridge of my nose and take a step closer to the modern looking analog on the wall, then freeze. Slowly, as if my vertebrae had suddenly become concrete, I turned my head slowly to the left.

It was looking at me. Every one of its many eyes trained on my stiff form. It crouched on the wall, the hideous, poisonous, abomination of God that it was, waiting for me to dare just close enough for it to pounce. I gulped, swallowing back bile, and slowly began to back away.

Inch by inch, I backed away from the monster, my converses scraping over the carpet. I glanced back over my shoulder, just a dart of the eyes to make sure that the door was in reach. It was I grabbed it and twisted the knob until it clicked open.

With an unholy speed, the spider skittered up the wall and onto the ceiling like the demon it was; I shrieked and darted out the door slamming it behind me and taking off down the corridor.

I was rounding the corner when I slammed into a wall.

"Oof!" I bounced off like a bug and fell right on my ass. My glasses were knocked askew and now hung crookedly from my ears, but beneath my nose like a bizarre mustache. Deciding that I looked ridiculous I pulled them off and began to wipe them on my sweater, effectively removing the nostril prints.

I pushed them back up and onto my face blinking rapidly as my eyes focused.

"Are you alright?"

_Hey! It's Apple-pie!_

"Excuse me?"

_Oops! Must have said that out loud...verbal filters are a myth!_

"Nothin'," I waved my hand dismissively, accepting the enormous hand he held out to help me to my feet. "Thank you. Sorry about running into you, I wasn't looking..." I trailed off and glanced over my shoulder at the office. Like the Grinch, I was instantly possessed of a 'wonderful-awful idea' and I turned back to Apple-pie who looked both happy to see me and concerned. Cute!

"Hey...are you busy right now?"

"No, I just came out of a meeting actually...I was about to grab some lunch-"

"Sound great!" I interrupted, grabbing his hand. He allowed me to tow him down the hall; I had no delusions about my strength, he _let_ me pull him along. "But first, I need you to rid me of the spawn of satan!"

"I'm sorry?"

"Great big spider. On the ceiling." I shivered. "It was looking at me."

He looked like he was suppressing a smile. "You want me to kill a spider?"

"Please and thank you," I chirped, pausing outside of my door where evil lurked within.

He reached for the doorknob; I dropped his hand like a hot coal and dashed to the opposite side of the hallway. He stopped and turned around to look at me, raising an eyebrow. "You're not coming in?"

"Are you kidding me? It's enormous! And it has a grudge. I was clearing some papers today and I think I performed an impromptu demolition of its lair."

Apple-pie pressed his lips together, not quite stifling the his grin.

"This isn't funny!"

"No, of course not, ma'am. Not at all." He turned back around and twisted the doorknob, quickly stepping inside when the portal swung open.

I bit my lip and wrung my hands, waiting for him to come back out and tell me that the coast was clear. I waited and waited...and waited.

Finally the door swung back open and he stepped out, looking regretful. "I'm sorry, I didn't see a spider. I saw the mountains of paperwork though, so I'm not surprised that it was hiding there. I'll bet it wasn't the only one either."

"Don't tell me that!" I moaned, crossing my arms over my abdomen to protect my vulnerable stomach. "I have to work in there!"

"Well, maybe it crawled out-"

"That's even worse! Now it could be anywhere! Lurking. Waiting for just the right time to strike and the...Bam! I'm done for!"

"It's not that bad," he chuckled. I glowered. Of course _he_ would say that, he wasn't on the extermination list of a homicidal arachnid!

"Tell you what, I'll take another look after lunch okay?"

"Okay," I repeated with a half-fearful, half-annoyed look at the door.

"Shall we?" Apple-pie gestured for me to go first. _Gorgeous __**and**__manners? Does he juggle too?_

"Sure." I walked with him to the elevator, it was cute how he kept pace with me, despite our height difference of at-least a foot.

I stepped into the elevator first, and this time I remembered to hold the doors open as he stepped in beside me. As the doors closed, I remembered the last time I'd seen him. The doors cut him off, right as he was going to ask me something.

"I'm Darcy by the way. Darcy Lewis." I stuck my hand out in front of me. _Shake, Darcy!_

His hands were so warm. Big too; I wasn't an extremely small person, height doesn't count, but this guy could wrap his hand around mine at least twice! His grip was gentle though with a slight tentative edge. He either wasn't used to shaking hands, or he knew how strong he was and didn't want to break my hand. I could appreciate that, a broken hand would suck. "Nice to meet you Miss Lewis. I'm Steve Rogers."

I wrinkled my nose. "Don't call me Miss Lewis...that's what teachers always called me when I was in trouble...I'm, uh, not in trouble, am I?"

He looked baffled.

"For, you know, taking up your lunch time, and sending on a burnt run after that spider...It was there, I promise! It must have summoned the powers of darkness..." I finished darkly.

He grinned. "It's no trouble, wasn't too keen on eating by myself anyway. So, if I'm not allowed to call you 'Miss Lewis', what _should_ I call you?"

"Darcy," I stated firmly. "Or Lewis, although Fury uses that one, so it might make me jumpy, you can also call me Darce, Sweetheart, Babe, or any other endearment of your choice." I winked, and grinned when he blushed again.

"Um, I think I'll stick with Darcy for now, but if I call you 'Darcy', you'll have to call me Steve."

"Sounds like a deal. So...what d'you normally do for lunch?"

He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. "Usually I just eat in the cafeteria, but if you like, we could-"

"There's a cafeteria?" In an office building? Weird. I mean, it was weird, right? Curse my inexperience! "Which floor?"

He reached out and pressed a button. The elevator dropped, leaving my stomach behind. _What was with these elevators?_

I followed Steve into the cafeteria where it looked like and MIB convention. Seriously, everyone was wearing the same color suit and they all wore identical expressions of controlled boredom. _I must've missed that memo._

I glanced at Steve out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing khaki slacks again, but this time he wore dress shoes and a blue button down tucked into the slacks. Sure, he was dressed like my grandpa, but I had to admit that Rogers was totally pulling it off, _Do you think he would notice if we took a picture of his backside to drool over later? Yeah...'cause that wouldn't be awkward at all..._

I shook my head at my own nonsense as I grabbed a bowl of assorted fruit and a hot sandwich of some kind. I snatched a can of soda too as I scooted the tray down the line. Steve was on my left, his own tray piled with enough food to comfortably supply a small country. _Nice to see a man with appetite. _

I stopped at the cash register and started to reach for my wallet when I heard the drawer ding open and the sound of coins rattling as someone made change. I looked up to see a golden forearm accepting a small cluster of coins from the cashier.

"You're good to go honey," she drawled and I picked up my tray and followed Steve to a table. I received more looks than even I was used to by the time we sat down, and I didn't think that they were jealous of my sweater, as awesome as it was, _mad knitting skills, I tell you, it's a gift._

"Er, thanks for lunch," I mumbled as he sat down across from me, after pulling out my chair (seriously?)

"I'm sorry?"

I cleared my throat. "Thank you for lunch, but you didn't have to, I could've paid for myself..." I trailed off as Steve shook his head.

"I couldn't let a lady pay, besides, I'm glad to have the company," He mumbled the last part, as if I was going to laugh at him or something.

"Oh, well, thank you." I lifted one half of my sandwich. "Tell you what though, why don't I make us lunch next time?"

He blushed. "Next time?"

"Yep, after the Spawn of Evil is taken care of or something." Hmm...it appeared to be some form of club sandwich...

"Or something," he repeated. "That sounds great."

I grinned and took a bite of my sandwich. Yep, some kind of club. I put the sandwich down, wiping my slightly greasy fingers on a thin paper napkin, and reached for the chilled can of soda. I tapped the top with my finger, a trick I'd learned in middle school to keep it from exploding, and then tried to lift the tab.

No luck.

I sighed and glared at my stubby fingernails, willing them to grow. They either didn't pick up on my psychic demands, or chose not to obey me. Bastards.

I pushed back from the table. "Where are you going?"

"The manufacturing industry seeks to deprive me of cold, caffeinated goodness," I explained with another glare at the can which had the decency to sweat bullets under the weight of my disapproval.

"You can't open the can?"

"Nope."

"Here," Steve reached out and picked up the aluminum container, which he could have palmed easily, and lifted the tab almost gingerly, the hiss as carbonation escaped followed by the gurgle as cola rushed to the surface signaled his victory.

"Thanks," I chirped, sitting back down and taking the can back from him. I slurped the foam from the top with glee at the impending sugar rush that would power me through my afternoon of paperwork...and I needed to have my wits about me to outmanoeuvre the Spawn of Satan..._Constant Vigilance!_

"You're welcome,' he looked down at his plate for a minute. "So, uh, how long have you worked for SHIELD?"

I swallowed. "About a week now, maybe. I'm Coulson's new assistant slash secretary thingy, but I used to work for Jane Foster."

"'Used to'? What happened?"

"Oh, Jane has new helpers now, that actually understand what she's talking about, so I just make sure that she eats and doesn't, you know, scare people."

"Oh," I could tell he was a little confused.

"I'm a gofer, I guess? What about-"

Suddenly an alarm went off, loudly. I almost clapped my hands over my ears in an effort to block out the ringing.

Steve leapt to his feet, I followed suit.

"Attention all personnel, we are now at Code Green," announced a monotone over the intercom.

"Code _Green_?" I repeated. Isn't 'Code Green' usually a good thing?

Steve grabbed my shoulders. "Darcy, I need you to stay with the other agents until I come for you, ok?"

I nodded dumbly, distracted. _Man, his eyes are blue._

He nodded and stood up, his jaw tightening. He didn't look like the soft-spoken gentleman that had hunted for a spider and bought my lunch; in his place was someone else, a tall, carved with authority leaking from every pore. It was like he'd flipped a switch.

_He must be an agent or something..._.

He strode quickly for the door, then he was gone.

I looked over at the agents who had tipped over a bunch of the cafeteria tables and were ducking behind them with handguns drawn. I scampered over and knelt next to the agent closest to me. "So, what's up with the 'Code Green?' I thought 'Green' was usually a good thing?"

"The Hulk has escaped containment." He snapped shortly. _What's his problem?_

"Containment? Where was he?"

"Lab Six."

"Lab-? Jane!"

I jumped from behind the table and took off across the linoleum, darting out the same door that Steve had vanished through, not five minutes earlier.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Woo! My Senior Project is FINISHED! Yay! Seriously, that thing has been a monkey on my back for the last two months. I am so sorry for the delay, but I really appreciate all of my reviews, they make me so happy! Okay, hopefully I won't keep everyone waiting for this long again. Happy reading!

Disclaimer: None of these are mine...but that won't stop me from playing with them... *evil grin*

5-I Feel Like I'm Forgetting Something...

I raced around the corner of the science hallway, skidding slightly.

Debris littered the floor and I could see a massive hole punched through the wall. I crept carefully as possible over the wreckage, slipping only twice, before I reached what was left of the doorway. Several wires hung limp and sparking from what used to be the automatic jamb.

"Jane?" I half called, half whispered. I could see that most of the desks were flipped over, and glass littered the floor, all that was left of what I was sure had once been delicate instruments of science.

"Jane?" I hissed again. _Please don't be smashed...Please don't be smashed._

"Psst!" There was a sudden rustling behind one of the up ended desks.

"Oh, thank God!" I slumped back and pressed a hand to my chest. "You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days Foster!"

"Shh!" The rustling hissed. "Be quiet, or he'll hear you!'

"Who? Banner? I thought you said he was a nice-"

The ground shook. I lost my footing, slipping on the broken glass, arms flailing, and slammed back into one of the upturned desks. I heard a sickening snap as one of my arms smacked into the ledge. I bit back a scream and curled into a knot. I could taste blood in my mouth from where I'd bitten my tongue.

_Son of a-!_

I cradled my shoulder and tucked up as small as possible, considering that I was wearing an oversized sweater in variegated green, I probably looked like a large watermelon. With feet.

_Let's hope that the Hulk doesn't aspire to be the next Gallagher..._

I huffed at my own humor, then choked back bile as pain arched across my body. _Jesus Christ!_

Another enormous footstep echoed through the room, jostling my arm. I muttered a Very Bad Word through gritted teeth.

As each footstep grew closer, I could feel my vision start to go dark. A gargantuan foot filled my view.

_Oh God..._

I heard a voice mumble **"Hurt?"**

_Awww...Hulk's a sweetheart. Who knew?_

Beep.

_Ugh..._

Beep.

_Grrr..._

Beep.

_Argh!_

My eyes flew open. "Dammit!"

I started flail my arm towards the sound. _Stupid alarm clock!_

"Woah!"

Someone caught my arm, interrupting its noble quest for vengeance against the beeping monstrosity.

"Hang on a second! At least wake up before you start swinging!"

_Huh? _

Everything slid into focus, and I stared around me in sudden clarity, still half struggling to drag my arm from Iron Man's grip. He grinned cheekily. "Welcome back, Coffee Minion!"

"Jane okay?" I asked, pulling my arm back.

"Oh yeah, Foster's fine. She's back at work now, but told me to call her when you woke up. Jarvis!"

He suddenly yelled at the ceiling.

"Yes sir?" _No. Way!_

"Hey, Iron Man, is your ceiling seriously a butler?"

"Wha-? Ceiling? JARVIS is an AI I built, he's the house."

"Major Awesomeness!" I cried and looked up at the ceiling too. "Nice to meet you JARVIS! I'm Darcy! I'd shake your hand, but I wouldn't know where to look for it."

The AI chuckled, seriously, chuckled. "That's perfectly alright Miss Lewis, it's a pleasure to meet you as well. Shall I inform Doctor Foster that you are awake?"

"Nah, she probably doing something important for science." I muttered. "Thanks though."

_Ya know, you'd think that my being my friend and all, she'd show up or at least check on me or something..._

"Hey Iron Man-" I started to ask what the superhero was doing here, when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Called Tony in a falsetto.

The door opened. "Tony hush, what if you wake her- Darcy!"

"Hey Steve!" I tried to sit up, then hissed as pain lanced up my shoulder.

"Easy there, Tiger," said Stark. "A dislocated shoulder is no joke."

"Dislo-Ewww..." I looked over at my right arm, which I just noticed was not only in a cast, but a sling. Dislocated. Yuck. That was just-yuck. I poked my tongue out, the universal sign of disgust, but quickly poked it back in when Steve crossed the room to the other open chair that was on the opposite side of the bed from Iron Man.

Apple-pie (I don't think I'm ever going to get out of the habit of calling him that) looked serious as a heart-attack as the plastic chair creaked under the weight of his chiseled awesomeness. Mmmm...I never thought flannel could look so hot...

"How are you feeling?"

"Enh." I shrugged, or tried to and immediately regretted it.

Curses spilled from my lips with surprising fluency as pain lanced up my arm, down my spine, and across my skull before settling into a nauseous lump in the pit of my stomach.

"Easy!" Steve leaned over me, his large hand rubbed my unbandaged shoulder delicately as if I was made of glass. Total bogus, I was the toughest person I knew.

Oookayy...so research concludes that shrugging is a "no." Good to know. Now my focus shifted from the blinding pain, to an exercise in self-control. _I will not throw up on Steve, I will not throw up on Steve..._

"I'll call the doctor," I heard Tony mutter, Steve just nodded, keeping his eyes on my face which I'm sure was an interesting shade of green. Black spots started to dance across my vision, obscuring Steve's blue eyes. Stupid spots.

"I feel dizzy," I mumbled, then my eyes slid closed.

After several false starts, I was able to leave the hospital ward.

"Free at last," I mumbled as I shuffled down the hallway. Erry day I'm shufflin'. Heh, I crack myself up.

First thing's first. I stopped by Jane's office, which remarkably, was already repaired. Man, the techies for SHIELD must be ninjas! I pressed the button to open the door and shuffled into the lab. It was clean white, sterile and shiny. You know, science-y looking.

"Jane?" I looked around the various stacks of papers, boxes of pop tarts, and old coffee cups. The signs were here, but...

"Huh," I rocked back on my heels, almost falling. "Nyah!"

"Careful!" A strong pair of arms caught me, just enough to let me catch my balance before letting go immediately and stepping away. So quickly, it was almost like he'd vanished. _Please God, don't let the lab be haunted..._

I turned around and saw a cute older guy. He was the kind of color people with olive skin turn when they spend most of their time in the sun, weird for a scientist. His hair was curly and fluffy and awesome (talk about a crowning glory) and his dark brown eyes watched me warily. Like I was going to fall over again.

"Hey, uh, thanks," I said awkwardly. _Who was this guy? And would he let me pet his hair?_

He nodded, a jerky bob of the head that had his curls bouncing- _must resist urge to pet!_- then turned around like he was going to go back to one of the tables.

"Wait! Have you seen Doctor Jane Foster?"

"Not lately, she had to return to New Mexico, something about 'extra equipment' that she needed from her old lab."

"Oh," I mumbled, feeling the twinge in my injury as my shoulders slumped. "Thanks, I guess."

I started for the door and was about to press the button before the penny dropped. "Hey!"

Curly jumped straight up, nearly knocking over his stool.

"You're Doctor Banner! Jane told me about you!"

Banner looked guilty. "I'm sure she did. I'm really sorry about the Other Guy-"

"No, no, no!" I interrupted. "It was something about gummy radiation I'm pretty sure. Anyway, she said you were a 'genius' and I think she had a science- crush on you, but don't tell anybody." I tapped my finger against the side of my nose in the awkward gesture for 'don't tell.'

Doctor Banner looked at me as if he'd never seen anything quite like me before. Quite possible, of course, I _am_ one of a kind.

"...you mean 'Gamma' radiation?" he said finally.

"Oh yeah," I waved my hand dismissively. "Anyway, I was just looking for Jane and-"

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" He suddenly interrupted, looking at me intently.

"Errr, should I be?" I mean, the guy was a little taller than I was, but kind of on the lanky side. I'm pretty sure I could take him. With my handy-dandy taser of course.

Doctor Banner gaped at me in disbelief. "You-I dislocated your shoulder and from the looks of it, broke your wrist, and you ask if you _should_ be afraid of me?"

"_You_ dislocated my shoulder? I'm pretty sure I did it myself when I slipped on all the broken glass!"

"The Other Guy frightened you!" Banner argued.

"Nonsense! I fear nothing!" except spiders, but Banner didn't need to know that. "I'm just clumsy is all."

Banner huffed, it was strange mixture of humor and exasperation. _Weirdo._ "Clumsy, huh?"

"Yep!" I popped the 'p' at the end. "Just clumsy, so don't worry about it, mm'kay?"

My phone alarmed beeped and buzzed annoyingly, like I had a robotic bee in my pocket. "I gotta go to work now, Son of Coul is probably about ready to skin me alive and as fun as that sounds, I should probably be getting back."

I turned back to the door, waving back at Banner, who still looked gobsmacked, over my shoulder. "Laters Doc! If you see Jane, tell her I'm okay!"

**Two hours later...**

I had it all figured out. If I stood in one corner of the room and took my shot, I could make it into the basket by bouncing off of the clock.

"Woo-hoo!" I cheered as the wad of useless paper rolled around the rim before falling into the wastebasket. I celebrated my victory with a customary fist pump.

"Miss Lewis! I trust that you are completing the task I have set for you?" It was amazing how that man could scold me from another room.

"Basically!" I called back. He'd asked me to create a presentation on the importance of lab safety. It was pretty much a "Please Don't Blow Up the Lab Again" powerpoint. I was having a lot of fun with graphics. Mwah-ha-ha...

I could feel Coulson's disapproval begin to seep under the door, so decided it was time to take a break. Yay! Pain pills!

I managed to make it all the way to the cafeteria without incident, unfortunately for me, though, I had ignored common sense and had decided to go with some kind of tossed salad with tomatoes. Mmm...tomatoes...

I scuttled away with my prize to my seat and sat at the same table where I had sat with Steve the other day. I was a routine oriented person, okay, I just liked that seat and was possibly hoping that Apple Pie would make an appearance.

**Ten minutes later...**

It was very difficult to eat salad with one hand. Very Difficult.

"You bastard..." I grumbled chasing a cherry tomato around the edge of the plate with a single minded determination.

I was convinced that it had a mind of its own, because it seemed to be just slippery enough that the plastic tines of my spork were unable to pierce its skin.

"Curses!" I growled as it skittered away and lay in wait in a small puddle of raspberry vinaigrette. _Why you little..._

"Darcy?"

I snapped my head up, giving the little red bastard a temporary reprieve. "Hey Steve!"

Steve set his tray down before taking a seat. "How are you feeling?"

"At the moment, kinda loopy. That's probably the medication, though."

"Okay...I'm glad you're not in pain." _Awww...so sweet._

"You and me both, buddy. So, how was your day?"

He shrugged. "Nothing much happened. And yours?"

"Enh," I shrugged, then had to swallow hard to keep filling my plate with the same salad. _Urghh...I have to stop doing that..._

A warm weight gently brushed my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I choked, tugging up the corners of my mouth in a desperate attempt to smile, from his expression, I gathered that it hadn't worked.

"Really," I tried again. "It's my own fault; I didn't realize that I shrugged so much."

Which was actually true; apparently I was an involuntary shrugger. Or, I guess I'm an unconscious shrugger; I'd hate to be an involuntary shrugger. Just think about all the trouble I be in...

Anyway, I shook my head and looked at Steve who was still watching me with trepidation, like I was suddenly going to collapse into a faint and he wanted to be ready to catch me. Come to think of it...that wouldn't be a bad idea...

I glanced surreptitiously at his forearms only to be thwarted by the white fabric of his button down. _Curse you Oxford!_

"Steve," I managed to say his name without wheezing now that my breathing was under control. "I'm fine. Seriously."

Apple pie nodded, but didn't look convinced. I waved him towards his lunch tray and picked up my spork to continue my assault on the ungrateful fruit- _Yeah, tomatoes are a fruit, right? Eh, who cares!_- still lying in dressing in the plastic container. With any luck, it had grown complacent in my absence.

Quickly, I slammed my spork down at the tomato only to have it slip away like a bar of soap over to the other side. "Arghh!"

"Having some trouble?"

"It's taunting me!" I moaned, glowering at the tomato that had the audacity to shine innocently at me. Bastard.

"Uh...here..." A warm hand suddenly covered my own and lifted the spork from my hand. I watched as Steve quickly stabbed, impaling the stubborn fruit with ease on the dull plastic tines.

"Well, I wore it out," I huffed, but took my spork back. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." _Ahhh...I'm melting. His smile, it burns!_

I blinked rapidly and looked down at my container, his mega watt pearly whites were intimidating. _I will not blush_!

"Sooo," I drawled, dragging my spork through the remaining dressing. "Do you have any plans after lunch?"

He blushed. "Umm...I have a meeting at three, but other than that, I'm free."

"Great!" I beamed. "I think that the Eight-legged-Freak has friends and they're nesting in one of filing cabinets!"

"Another spider?" he sounded amused.

"It's an army!" I waved my arms to illustrate the massiveness of said army. "They're coming to get me Steve!"

"Alright, alright," he chuckled. "I'll take a look after lunch. Are you going to look with me this time?"

"Err...sure..." I shifted uncomfortably. Just thinking about spiders gave me chills. "But if they gang up on me, I'm counting on you to rescue me!"

"Yes ma'am."

_Heh, heh, soldier boy...no Bad Darcy!_


End file.
